Whether you’re creating a new profile or you’re a long-time, frustrated online dater, I have some insights that will help make your experience better.
It may seem like online dating is straightforward, but what’s happening behind the scenes – and your screen – can be confusing and can often produce bizarre results.
By encouraging people to tell stories about themselves, you not only learn about their history but also about them from the way they talk about their lives.
These questions are designed to spark the imagination of the person and drift off into speculation.
It's interesting that all three questions seem to deal with how a person handles stress and anxiety, and their tendency to plan things out.
Take turns fishing out questions and answering them.
On a first date go for a friendly tone rather than an intimate tone when asking this question. Don’t be afraid to change plans if you arrive at a restaurant and find it’s too noisy for a good conversation.
Why: This shows you're considerate of other people's comfort. Why: If they still live with their Mom or they live with 10 roommates, this tells you something about how they like to live.
Find out early if there are reasons that “making it work” will be fraught. Select a few of these questions rather than attempt to ask them all on the same first date! For example, if one person likes to take very long trips and the other person has a more standard two weeks vacation time. If asking this question leads to five solid minutes of them complaining you'll know the person sees the glass as half empty. Why: When you enter a relationship with someone you’re also entering a relationship with their friends. Why: If one of you doesn't like pets and the other has 3 dogs, that's likely to be a problem.
Also, if anything out of the ordinary has happened that might be affecting your date’s mood, it’s good to factor this in. Also, it’s nice to give your date an opportunity to answer a question that isn't directly about them.
I’d enjoy an exhilarating freedom – I could learn how to paint or wear yoga pants all weekend long if I wanted. We’d meet up later that day, when I’d discover that he was (a) five inches shorter than he listed in his profile; (b) “fun-employed” and no longer looking for a job; (c) still in some kind of relationship; (d) possibly a serial killer; (e) all of the above.