Have you ever dated a guy and thought things were going GREAT between you, only to have him suddenly start being flaky, or stop calling, or vanish all together? I first realized there was a big gap in men’s and women’s perceptions when I was writing my first book, “I Can’t Believe I’m Buying This Book – A Commonsense Guide to Successful Internet Dating”. This is the main premise behind Why He Disappeared. It’s that you’ve never fully understood why certain men choose not to stick around. If he’s shallow and fickle and uncommunicative and still thinks he should be dating Angelina Jolie, let him knock himself out. But when you do meet that rare, relationship-oriented, quality guy, how can you be the most self-confident, self-aware, irresistible man magnet around? But is every man really as straightforward as you are?
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You’re seeing a great guy and you THINK you’re getting close, but then he suddenly pulls away and you have NO IDEA what happened. She’d put it together in a few hours over a few glasses of wine with her girlfriends. Because when you compare the number of factors that determine whether a guy is date-worthy with the number of factors that determine whether you’re date-worthy, it’s night and day. Men ask two questions: Do I want to sleep with you? All of this is just a long way of stating what every man knows – and most women don’t: We are not nearly as concerned with your merits as much as how you make us FEEL. If you’re fun and easygoing, it makes us enjoy our time together. It makes us want to keep you around forever and ever. My husband has a male friend who broke up with his girlfriend because supposedly, she wasn’t up to his intellectual level.
I can tell you what happened – if you’re ready to turn your love life around forever… I thought the list was so hysterical, that I included it in the first draft of my book. In all my years of dating, I never stopped to dissect the behavior of my female dates. Do I feel good about myself when I’m spending time with you? Which means that all of your amazing qualities may not even matter to him at ALL! You ran a half-marathon and raised twelve thousand dollars for leukemia? Understand, men DO value intelligence, but they also want from their girlfriend what they CAN’T get from their business associates. I have another guy friend who has complained about not being able to have deep discussions with virtually every single girlfriend he has had.
When I am committed to them and act nice and devoted, they start to look elsewhere. Am I cursed to be alone just because I know how to be kind to women? So how is it that all these successful men are not connecting with all these successful women? Because there’s much more going on than merely a meeting of the minds. The flip side of being analytical is being difficult. The flip side of having moral clarity is being arrogant.