” I asked.“Well, he doesn’t think he has a problem,” they replied. “Tell me about it.” They recited a history of problems that had begun at a very young age.
Bill had never been “quite up to snuff” in their eyes.
Sophie, a professional woman in her mid-30s and a member of my weekly mindfulness meditation class, repeatedly feels taken advantage of.
After listening to her describe a painful episode in which a friend had acted inappropriately during a visit, I told her, "You need to work on improving your emotional boundaries." She was surprised by my comment. Isn't the whole idea to not be attached to the needs of my ego?
In recent years he had exhibited problems with drugs and an inability to stay in school and find a career.
It was apparent that they loved their son very much and were heartbroken over the way he was living.
Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.
"We never worked this out while we were married," he said."We thought being in love meant you weren't supposed to have boundaries." After class, my students shared stories about boundaries being violated - sometimes unknowingly.In my observation from leading meditation and yoga retreats around the country, poorly defined or inappropriate boundaries are the cause of much suffering - and that suffering is compounded for some people by confusion regarding the teachings of oneness, selflessness, and non-separateness.They had tried everything they knew to get him to change and live a responsible life, but all had failed. He can do pretty much whatever he wants, no problem.He was still using drugs, avoiding responsibility, and keeping questionable company. You pay, you fret, you worry, you plan, you exert energy to keep him going.Moreover, your sense of them changes dramatically as you mature and your spiritual life deepens.